CO_DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS IRAN
Association of Anonymous Co-Dependents Codependents Anonymous is a group of men and women whose common goal is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is the desire to have healthy relationships based on love. We gather together to support and accompany each other on this journey of self-discovery to learn to love ourselves. Implementing this program allows each of us to be more and more honest with ourselves about our past and codependent behaviors
According to Iran and (Farsi Speaking)’ CoDA VE bylaws which is approved by the :vote of all group service representatives All Farsi speakers in Iran and all over the world can use services which are provided by different committees of Iran and (Farsi speaking)’ CoDA VE .Committees are responsible to provide services for them without any limitation Iran and (Farsi Speaking)’ CoDA VE policy is based on the principles of twelve traditions and twelve service concepts, especially concept 12 :Concept 12 The Fellowship strives to practice and encourage spiritual principles in all its material, financial, and business affairs, including fairness, equality, and respect for individual rights. Every member within CoDA has a voice and is encouraged to use it. Every member has the right to know what is happening within our organization. To honor this right, and in the spirit of CoDA unity, our CoDA, Inc. organization publishes and distributes group conscience decisions, such as minutes of our service boards and motions from our CoDA Service Conferences, in the most inclusive and timely manner possible Iran & (Farsi speaking) CoDA VE
Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence
Newcomers Handout Co-Dependants Anonymous Freedom Group New Westminster, BC
?Am I Codependent
?What is codepedency
Welcome to Co-Dependents Anonymous, a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop a positive and healthy relationships. The only requirement for to participate in CoDA is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. CoDA does not offer a specific definition of Codependency. We recommend periodically reviewing the
?New to CoDA
Welcome to Co-Dependents Anonymous
We welcome you to Co-Dependents Anonymous, a program of recovery from codependence, where each of us may share our experience, strength, and hope in our efforts to find freedom where there has been bondage and peace where there has been turmoil in our relationships with others and ourselves.
Most of us have been searching for ways to overcome the dilemmas of the conflicts in our relationships and our childhoods. Many of us were raised in families where addictions existed – some of us were not. In either case, we have found in each of our lives that codependence is a most deeply rooted compulsive behavior and that it is born out of our sometimes moderately, sometimes extremely dysfunctional families and other systems. We have each experienced in our own ways the painful trauma of the emptiness of our childhood and relationships throughout our lives.
We attempted to use others – our mates, friends, and even our children, as our sole source of identity, value and well being, and as a way of trying to restore within us the emotional losses from our childhoods. Our histories may include other powerful addictions which at times we have used to cope with our codependence.
We have all learned to survive life, but in CoDA we are learning to live life. Through applying the Twelve Steps and principles found in CoDA to our daily life and relationships both present and past – we can experience a new freedom from our self defeating lifestyles. It is an individual growth process. Each of us is growing at our own pace and will continue to do so as we remain open to God’s will for us on a daily basis. Our sharing is our way of identification and helps us to free the emotional bonds of our past and the compulsive control of our present.
No matter how traumatic your past or despairing your present may seem, there is hope for a new day in the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. No longer do you need to rely on others as a power greater than yourself. May you instead find here a new strength within to be that which God intended – Precious and Free.
Iran Service Board Policy for Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) Groups
DENIAL PATTERNS
CODEPENDENTS OFTEN…
Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling
Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.
Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well- being of others
Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
Label others with their negative traits.
Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others.
Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.
IN RECOVERY…
I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I know the difference between my thoughts and feelings.
I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.
I know the difference between caring and care taking. I recognize that care taking others is often motivated by a need to benefit myself.
I am able to feel compassion for another’s feelings and needs.
I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I often perceive in others.
I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of others.
I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
I am able to express my feelings openly, directly, and calmly.
I pursue intimate relationships only with others who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and loving relationships.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM PATTERNS
CODEPENDENTS OFTEN…
Have difficulty making decisions.
Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
Are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
Value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own.
Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons.
Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than.
Have difficulty admitting a mistake.
Need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good.
Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want.
Perceive themselves as superior to others.
Look to others to provide their sense of safety.
Have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.
IN RECOVERY…
I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.
I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
I value the opinions of those I trust, without needing to gain their approval. I have confidence in myself.
I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.
I seek my own approval first, and examine my motivations carefully when I seek approval from others.
I continue to take my personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it.
I am honest with myself about my behaviors and motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes to myself and others, and to hear their opinions without feeling threatened.
I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it’s necessary and appropriate.
I perceive myself as equal to others.
With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in my life.
I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner.
I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life.
COMPLIANCE PATTERNS
CODEPENDENTS OFTEN…
Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.
Are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
Are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
Accept sexual attention when they want love.
Make decisions without regard to the consequences.
Give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
IN RECOVERY…
I am committed to my safety and leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t agree or become angry.
I consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in another’s plans.
I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and others to be responsible for their feelings.
I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.
My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my heart’s desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
I ask my Higher Power for guidance, and consider possible consequences before I make decisions.
I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity, whether others approve or not, even if it means making difficult changes in my life.
CONTROL PATTERNS
…CODEPENDENTS OFTEN
Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves
Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
Freely offer advice and direction without being asked.
Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.
Lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence.
Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.
Demand that their needs be met by others.
Use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate.
Use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally.
Refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
Pretend to agree with others to get what they want.
IN RECOVERY…
I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives.
I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.
I give advice only when asked.
I am content to see others take care of themselves.
I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain the approval of others.
I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.
I find and use resources that meet my needs without making demands on others. I ask for help when I need it, without expectation.
I behave authentically with others, allowing my caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
I ask directly for what I want and need and trust the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with others in a way that honors my integrity.
I treat others with respect and consideration, and trust my Higher Power to meet my needs and desires.
I use my recovery for my own growth and not to manipulate or control others.
My communication with others is authentic and truthful.
AVOIDANCE PATTERNS
…CODEPENDENTS OFTEN
Act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger .toward them
Judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance.
Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships.
Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
Diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use the tools of recovery.
Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
Pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away.
Refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater than themselves.
Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
Withhold expressions of appreciation.
IN RECOVERY…
I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy responses from others.
I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
I practice my recovery to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.
I use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with confrontations.
When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to develop and maintain healthy relationships of my choosing.
I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and honoring my feelings and needs.
I welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.
I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate.
I freely engage in expressions of appreciation toward others.